|
|
re: Cereal Box: Part Uno
 by Arwen Skywalker on Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:41 am
One kid
One desire
One box of breakfast cereal
One exobit nibble
One way in, no way out.
Mintberry Crunch in....
"You know who can tank like that?.... MY MOM" rated pg13
In the beginning of time.... well, not really, I guess 2015. In the dawn of invasion, one lil kid's life was about to change... forever.
In the shady alleys of Gotham, our hero was born. Her parents were blue collar workers who couldn't afford another kid (because they had 9 already), they left our hero in trashbin where she was found by Mrs. Hingle McCringleBerry on her way to buy pot for her brownies. Mrs. Hingle McCringleBerry is the wife of Mr. Hingle McCringleBerry owner of McCringleBerry Cereals. They took her in with open arms as they raised her and fed her breakfast cereal even when she was a lil wee baby. This phase of Minty's life developed her baby gums to more than the usual strength of a lil wee baby, the breakfast cereal made her poopy a lot in her daiper but boy she had a strong gummy bite.
Growing up, Mr. Hingle McCringleBerry would give her a tour in their cereal factory where Minty would learn the ways of the McCringleBerry family cereal recipe which was 80% sugar, 10% cereal stuffs and 10% pot. She would run around the factory dipping her unsanitary fingers in the vat of cereal goop. One time, employee Bob even let her swim in it, which was pretty disgusting. Oh and Bob doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet, they have it on tape, eeww.
On a gloomy Gotham afternoon, in her Dad's super mega rad office with giant ass fountains and golden statues of hot chicks, Minty thought of something, something that would surprise her dad... in a really UNCOOL way.
"Daddeh, what if we like, I don't know, add flavors or something?"
"Pfftt no way, that would totally suck monkeyballs, our original recipe has been the same since 1934, which was passed to me by my father, from his mother in Wisconsin, which she got from her sugar daddy in New York, which he stole from a pimp. There's no way we would change the recipe."
"But Dad!"
"Nuh uh, shut up.... lil bitch"
"What did you say?!"
"... Nothing! Finish your Sudoku puzzle"
Minty left the room with squinty eyes looking at her dad. "I am so gonna make flavored breakfast cereal even if I have to give away half of my butt cheek". As the night goes deeper and the snow gets heavier, Minty snuck in the factory through the front door as she did awesome front flips and wallruns. "I can see you Minty" said the security guard. "No, I am the night, I am a ninja." She answered back while doing parkour stuffs she learned from Youtube. "Well do you want a gum?" the guard offered, she stops her flipping "Oh yeah sure thanks, you get a promotion." From that day on, factory security guard's life has changed... forever, he can finally pay for his rent and his daughter's college tuition. Wait a second! This isn't about factory security guard!
Minty went straight to the lab with a glass roof conveniently placed above, where she found Anna, the company scientist slash cutiepie. "Hey minty what are you doing here?", "Well I was going to change history but meh, what's up with you?" "Nothing, just eating berries, do you want some?" "Yeah sure" Anna throws her a berry and kept it in her pocket so she can eat it later. "Thanks, you get a promotion too" said Minty, from that day on, Anna the company scientist slash cutiepie's life has changed... forever, she finally moved in with her Khal Drogo-esque boyfriend who worked as a bouncer in one of Penguin's strip club and they got married with 3 kids... WAIT A SECOND!!!! This isn't about Anna cutiepie!
There, in the lab, Minty toiled away mixing different ingredients for the perfect variety flavor of their breakfast cereal."A bag of Doritos and Mountain Dew." she drops them in a boiling stew pot of awesomeness. "Nope, that tastes like a PC Virgin, eeww. Hmmm, this CD of Lionel Richie and Hannah Montana pencil.... yeah, nope." She continues on to find the perfect flavor but has failed so far miserably. Minty sat down on a chair contemplating her life choices, she stood up and felt something in her pocket. Took it out and saw a minty fresh gum and a berry. "AWW YISSSSSSS, super kewl idea", she leaped so high that she broke the glass ceiling and she did a super fast 720 spin mid air and threw both of them in the boiling pot of awesomeness.
Little did she know that Lex Luthor had released exobytes throughout the world and... wait I don't want to tell this story all over again so just watch DCUO's intro or something. Due to Minty's ignorance of the news, she only liked watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians (she doesn't really like that Kylie's all dolled up but dating a guy like Tyga wtf Kylie), Ancient Aliens, Takeshi's Castle, Boondocks and Kitchen Nightmares. The air was infested with exos and she got bitten by them on the neck, the back of her ear, her elbow (which she didn't feel at all which is kind of awesome, I mean, straighten your arms and just pinch the elbow skin as hard as you can and you wouldn't feel a thing), her left buttcheeks, her sideboob and belly button. The boiling pot of awesomeness kept boiling to the point of eruption, the massive flavors of cereal, mint and berry goop squirted all over her body, sticky and slowly becoming one with her skin.... as she transforms into... Mintberry Crunch, the ultimate breakfast cereal ice tank to walk on Earth.
On the next MintBerry Crunch, will she skip content and not learn her role? Will she be CR160 in two months? Will she buy SP via replay badges or is she a broke ass niqqa? Will she ever raid? Will they wipe? Find out on the next episode of! MintBerry Crunch.
You know who would write the sequel? .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
MY MOM!
_________________ 
|
